FYI: I'm okay....really.

I'm on vacation! Whew. I made it without hurting anyone..and believe me, it was close. Teaching in a high school at this time of year is difficult. While my colleagues and I counted down to the LAST DAY, we watched students leaving early by droves...as if what was occurring in class was not of any importance. Kind of cuts into your sense of pride and who needs to teach the curriculum anyway?  No doubt my colleagues and I will be innundated with requests for make-up work when these students return...which adds to our already immense work load.

Which leads me to negativity. There are some people I work with who have been sucked into a downward spiral of negativity. And believe me, I understand! Like I said in an earlier post, teaching in a public school has become a delicate balancing act of keeping politics out and professionalism in. Daily rantings and, frankly, a lot of bitching, has eaten away at our sense of commradarie. I'm starting to avoid certain people so I can keep a relatively positive outlook. Should I feel badly about that? I do, but a sense of survival has kicked in.

This sense of survival helped me create this blog. I love the name of my blog. Let me relate it's orgins: my husband and I were at the Grand Canyon (everyone MUST visit this majestic place at least once!) and well, I wanted to look over the edge to see the colors and honestly, how far down was DOWN. I tend to take risks and my curiosity gets the better of me. Or as my husband would say, " you fall UP the stairs so be more careful" (sometime I'll relate said falling-up-the-stairs episode which resulted in spectacular black eye!) Of course, it is impossible to put a railing around the whole canyon and as I was inching my way to the edge to  get a better look, my husband was behind me...WAY BEHIND me intoning calmly, "step back from the edge". So, that's kind of what I'm doing now....finding my way back from the edge...you know, metaphorically. However, some people don't get subtlety, inferences or any of those 'higher order thinking skills' that we in education call HOTS (no one loves acronyms like educators). No need to worry, people! I'm not going to off myself ... or anyone for that matter. I'm just finding my way back to me....the 'me' that I like.

Sublety...a fine art lost in this age of Jersey Shore and Bad Girls Club (not that I don't enjoy those shows). And while I'm at it....how about negativity? It seems we have a bumper crop of that lately. Fellow edge-dwellers, what is your experience with these demons and how have you dealt with them? I need to know.

Somewhere God opens a window!

I got pink slipped yesterday. This is my 20th year with this school district and I got pink slipped. Somehow I got dragged into this vortex of negativity regarding public school financing along with my awesome colleagues who have 20 or less years experience.

When I opened that email (btw, this was during Parent Conferences) my heart sank and I somehow felt violated. I'm only one of an army of teachers who have chosen to dedicate their lives to others. Sure, there are teachers who should not be in education. They pretty much suck. But the rest of us...we're tireless and caring and so so so invested in our students' welfare and well-being. And we got pink slipped. I was numb.

But...you know.....so what? Just like my job doesn't define me, neither does this. I'm still a good teacher. I'm still a good human being. My family still loves me and my baby granddaughter still snuggles and likes me to kiss her neck and make her giggle.

Remember that line in The Sound of Music when someone (Maria? Rev. Mother? Hitler?) says, "When God closes a door, somewhere he opens a window"? That's how I feel. Who knows? This could be the best thing ever for me! It's all in how you choose to view it....and I choose to view it as an open door to new possibilities!

So, my friends, what has happened in your life that initially seemed devastating but turned out to be amazing?

I look forward to learning from your experiences!

Welcome!

Here it is ....my very first blog posting. So, let me fill you in on why and what I hope to accomplish with Step Back from the Edge.

Why? I've spent 20 + years teaching in a public high school. I'm a reject from a major weight loss program.  During the last year I was diagonosed with  Gluten Sensativity and I broke four bones in my foot (2 pins-removed, 1 plate-still in there) and had one hellish case of poison ivy that nearly had me hospitalized. To put it in high school vernacular: the last year has sucked in a major way.

What do I hope to accomplish? As I was flirting with the edge, I realized I need help, support and a way to share (read: vent). I need to know that I'm not the only one teetering on that edge of ....well, I'm afraid to find out what comes after the edge.

What led to dancing to the edge? Hmmmm......well, teaching in a public high school is stressful enough and recent political events have made being a public employee VERY STRESSFUL. But that's not all. The "perfect storm" started brewing a few years ago. Remember I mentioned that I'm a reject from a major weight loss program? Yep, that's me and here's that story. I joined, I lost 48 pounds, I became an employee of said national chain and I got fired. That's right. Fired. After losing the weight (I hate it when people refer to it as My Weight as in, "I see you've kept off your weight" or " Uh-oh, your weight is creeping back") my fear became my reality. The WEIGHT really was waiting around the corner ready to regain it's hold over my life. And I got fired because of it. Thanks...really, thanks major national weight loss program for your sensitivity.

Then came the gluten sensitivity diagnosis...huh, it wasn't a really l-o-n-g flu and the puffiness and bloating wasn't in my head! (again, thank you national weight loss chain for your sensitivity).

Then the poison ivy. Never ever had it before but it nearly put me in the hospital. I've wondered if both new sensitivities go hand in hand?

Then the broken foot. Then one surgery and 2.5 months on the couch with said foot elevated and said butt growing by the day. (thank God for OnDemand) Oh...and no exercise. I was working with a trainer and working out 5 days a week. But all of that went bye bye.

Then the edge came into view. I knew I needed help. I have a wonderful, loving husband who's so supportive and so perplexed about me. I have loving grown children and a beautiful first grandbaby who is the BRIGHT SPOT in my suckity-suck-sucky year. My sister and my neice, my friends and co-workers are wonderful. But I was rapidly approaching the edge.

So, that puts us here. Hey! Guess what I found!? WedMD has a FREE online weight loss program that asks how much do I want to lose? How much and what kind of exercise can I do? It counts my calories and has an online forum....for FREE! I signed up and within a few months those couch pounds will be gone.

So, if you're approaching the edge, what had led you there?

Let's band together, hold hands and step back.

Thank you! I feel better already!